Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so let's talk penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
