Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
