You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize