cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
