I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
