just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize