i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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