i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
are you so shy because you have an std?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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