i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
