I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
