woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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