Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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