i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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