$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
