Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
