Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
