dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
