it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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