I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
