Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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