Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
