What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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