o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
