It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
