i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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