the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
