He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
