the condom got lost in my hair
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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