Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
