The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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