One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
