no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
