SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
