o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
