dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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