in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
