How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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