The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
