I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
