I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
