YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Mom said you looked used
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
