hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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