you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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