u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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