I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I didn't notice because vodka
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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