you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
