Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
