i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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