I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
