oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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