hell yes lets make some ravioli
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
