I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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