My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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