Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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