Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
