WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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