My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
