Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
