I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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